I'm not a fan of old hats.

I'm against picketing but I don't know how to show it. -Hedberg

Does anyone else see the humor in completing a contract extension form with a viagra pen?

I realize my computer won't go faster if I incessantly click the mouse, but that knowledge doesn't really deter me much.

My vicious guard dog is rooing at the neighbors all while holding a pink stuffed animal in her mouth. Get 'em, killer. Get 'em.

If you were going to visit something or somewhere amazing in the USA, where would you go? Gimme some good honeymoon ideas...

"That goes on the list of things you don't want your husband and mother to discuss."

I think I have one of the most awesome big brothers around.

My husband has never had Krystals. Wonder if I better get a side of Tums with my sack o' cheese Krystals?!

I just caught my first glimpse of the Memphis Bridge. Hello, trashy, ghetto Memphis. I missed you!

Yep, this girl is looking forward to a quick weekend in Memphis.

If ice cubes were crack, my dogs would be severely underweight and have bad teeth and fur. They might also offer to wash your windshield.

I went to change my status message, but realized I had forgotten to harvest my zombies and vegetables, commit several acts of organized crime, play a few hands of Texas Hold'em, and rearrange my collection of precious and semi-precious gems in groups of three. Dang.

Nostalgia just isn't what it used to be!

It's so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don't say it.

"Wow! That's a low price!"

Bumblebee tuna.

I got a paper letter in a paper envelope to tell me about the paperless billing I'm already enrolled in.

My husband sent me a fax today. It was on Initech letterhead. Yes, Initech. And the message said he didn't have time to send me a fax.

I'm waiting for my computer to boot up & for the office coffee to finish brewing. At this rate, I may be productive by noon. Happy Monday!

Marshmallow Mateys, thou art my undoing.

The puppy likes the laser pointer. I see a nap in his immediate future. Go, Moose, go!

On a scale of pffft to wahoo, my interest level today is resting at a cozy meh.

Looking forward to a traditional Irish meal. I just placed my carryout order with O'Domino's.

Why are dishes we label 'hearty' usually bad for our hearts?

"Joey, do you like movies about gladiators?" R.I.P. Peter Graves, 1926-2010.

Let's get rid of Mondays and make Saturdays 48 hours long!

My husband just built the coolest thing- a wooden box for the old dogs to step onto since they're not good at jumping on the high bed. Yay!

My husband is convinced that I need Travelocity's cabin fever jingle as my ring tone. All well and good until a client hears it!

How AT&T U-verse Made Me A Better Husband

I'm lazy. There, I said it. Okay, maybe not completely lazy. Let's go
with "selective enthusiasm." One thing I am selectively un-
enthusiastic about is housecleaning. If you come over unexpectedly,
you might see a bit of clutter. My wife has a similar mindset (sorry
for throwing you under the bus, honey).

So, today is Friday. I'm off work on Fridays. I usually have a list of
projects lined up for Fridays. Housecleaning doesn't often make the
list. After lunch with Missy at her office, I came home intending to
work on one of my freelance web projects. However, our Internet
service was down. I called and they scheduled an appointment for a guy
to come out and look at it. When, I told Missy about it, her reaction
was, "Oh no! The house is a mess!!"

Guess what project just got moved to the top of my list? Yep. So thank
you, AT&T for providing just the right selective enthusiasm this
afternoon. My wife appreciates it very much.

I've spent the last two weeks trying to make time to get through the chapter on time management in the book I'm reading. Fail.

Wait, now. The blind dude on American Idol just said to Ryan: "It's good to see you, too."

I avoid writing web forms for the same reason I avoid cleaning the kitchen: it's messy and unenjoyable.

Real friends can say things to each other like, "Don't fix me in front of other people."

So, I have an irrational fear that the ceiling fan is going to come undone, fly down, and chop me into little pieces.

haha @ "No logos were harmed in the making of this project." Oscars

Monday Schmonday.

Moose just took his first swim & he loves the water!

First rule of Moose Club: Don't talk about Moose Club.

Love is enough. Well, that and power steering.

I remember when Mary Lou Retton graced a box of Wheaties. Gold medal? Meh. That orange box is the holy grail of rewards!

This is just between you and me. The fence post already knows too much.

Look at my update. Now look away. Now back to my update. I'm on a horse.

Moose weighed in at 34.4 lbs today at the vet. I think he's living up to his name already.