Baby Schwizzle 6/25/10

Hello. My name is Missy. I am 35 and.... pregnant! There, I said it. Doesn't make it feel any more real yet-- aside from the fatigue and constant trips to the restroom. :o)

But of course, I hear that something isn't official until it's posted on facebook anyway. Thank goodness no one really reads this thing.

So I'll be 6 weeks tomorrow. Still very early in. Nothing too great to report yet aside from the obvious-- there is a baby growing inside of me and God already knows this child. He knew him/her before he/she was even a glint in Steve's eye. Pretty amazing! My prayer is that this child is His. That this child yearns for Him and spends his/her entire life seeking to fill the God-shaped hole in his/her life.

My greatest moment yet has to be when Eli, who recently turned nine, rushed up to me and hugged me for seemingly no reason. He squeezed me and then looked up at me with those wide, innocent, crystal blue eyes and said, "I hope the baby feels that."

Steve Jobs is a homewrecker.

Pavlov would have needed a looney bin if he had both my dog and an icemaker. Just sayin'.

Happy National Doughnut Day!

Overheard out back by one of the boys in the pool: "I have two words for you-- Bring it on!"

The devil doesn't practice "catch and release."

These American Idol commercials are trying to compete with Super Bowl ads.

I'm not gawking, I'm storm chasing... very slowly.

The NWS (National Weather Service) has declared that today's storms constitute a PDS (Particularly Dangerous Situation). In other news, the NWS (National Webb Service) has declared me to be a PDS (Particularly Dangerous Steve).

So, whose bosom was it before Abraham died?

Gowalla or Foursquare and why? Gowalla is nicer but Foursquare has more users. Just curious.

The first person that thought about creating a snooze button HAD to think of it on a Monday.

I drove my assembled-in-Tennessee-but-made-in-Japan car with the designed-in-California-but-made-in-China iPod playing old school R&B to a Mexican restaurant staffed by young hippies. I love America.

Happy Star Wars Day! May the 4th be with you.

Nothing says "good morning" quite like the sound of a large dog vomiting on your bed.

My husband and I are going half an hour out of our way just so we can say we've been to Toad Suck Park, Arkansas.

Man Challenge: With gladness in your heart, oblige when your wife says, "Honey, would you get out of your chair and hand me this thing that is closer to me than it is to you?"

Dear gentleman who neglected to wash his hands after using the Wal-Mart restroom: please don't touch anything I'm about to touch. In fact, just don't touch anything. Thank you.

The eternal conundrum "what happens when an irresistible force meets an immovable object" was finally solved when Chuck Norris punched himself in the face.

This ADHD kid doesn't like recipe cards. Anyone else wish they made them as flow charts instead?

Who is Pete and why is his sake so cliche-worthy?

Man Challenge: Don't laugh when, while trying to explain what the "H" stands for on the Montreal Canadiens' jerseys, your wife asks, "Hosers?"

I could spend hours on the petfinder.com app on the iPhone.

Found a senior golden on my way to work this morning. He's amazing! Let's hope the owners respond to ads, flyers, or call the shelter. Someone is missing this sweet boy!

Why does the dog feel the need to treat me like his personal napkin after he finishes drinking?

My two male goldens are wrestling with groans, growls, and ferocity. I'm reminded of Lion King scenes.

I just rescued my puppy from the pool. And by rescue, I mean I just interrupted his jolly good time... Still, baby gates coming up!!!

My husband is a morning person. And he thinks it's funny when all three dogs jump on the bed and greet me. There isn't enough Calgon for this.

I think it's high time the monkey's aunt gets a little recognition, too.

There isn't much that's more beautiful or heartbreaking as an old dog after a strenuous play at the park.

Today my husband is using his upgrade to go from one iPhone to the mackdaddy of iPhones. How much do you think I'll see him this weekend?!?

After tonight's egg salad sandwiches, I think Easter is FINALLY over, along with creative cooking using boiled eggs.

I cannot stress this enough-- tiramisu is Missy bliss. I LOVE Othello's!

Every guy needs an air compressor, right? Missy's not quite convinced.

The office is creepy when everyone else is gone.

Recapping what we know for sure, you're an inadequate verifier and you can't rule out the possibility that I'm awesome. (Thanks, Dilbert)

My husband just whispered sweet insults into my ear. He was SO made for me!

Picasa's red eye tool is awesome, but I wish they had a "Remove Cataracts from Old Dog's Eyes" tool, too.

Man Challenge: Keep a straight face and avoid all Bill Engvall-isms while responding to the stranger who has looked at the DVD in your hand and commented, "Gonna watch a movie, huh?"

Happy Easter, all! Click to see our video message- http://tinyurl.com/y9lhbsg -And no, it isn't a virus.

Absurdity is knowing the outcome and betting against it. -Mike Parker, Alameda Church of Christ

Hide and Seek with three boys and their dad, and the one we couldn't find? Well, he was in the bathroom taking a poop. Boys are awesome!

Wow. I was just drooling a lot. No wonder they call it a water chestnut.

His wind is tossing my hair, His sun is warming my skin, and His Word is filling my mind. I don't have enough appointments with my Creator.

It's that time of year where I reminisce about the Easter Bunny bringing me a stuffed rabbit. I was a clever kid & named it Bunny Rubble.

Maybe it isn't time to open up the pool yet, but I think it's a perfect night to fire up the grill!

It's April Fool's Day. I'll take very few updates seriously today, so if you're engaged, pregnant, or promoted, can you post it tomorrow?

I'm not a fan of old hats.

I'm against picketing but I don't know how to show it. -Hedberg

Does anyone else see the humor in completing a contract extension form with a viagra pen?

I realize my computer won't go faster if I incessantly click the mouse, but that knowledge doesn't really deter me much.

My vicious guard dog is rooing at the neighbors all while holding a pink stuffed animal in her mouth. Get 'em, killer. Get 'em.

If you were going to visit something or somewhere amazing in the USA, where would you go? Gimme some good honeymoon ideas...

"That goes on the list of things you don't want your husband and mother to discuss."

I think I have one of the most awesome big brothers around.

My husband has never had Krystals. Wonder if I better get a side of Tums with my sack o' cheese Krystals?!

I just caught my first glimpse of the Memphis Bridge. Hello, trashy, ghetto Memphis. I missed you!

Yep, this girl is looking forward to a quick weekend in Memphis.

If ice cubes were crack, my dogs would be severely underweight and have bad teeth and fur. They might also offer to wash your windshield.

I went to change my status message, but realized I had forgotten to harvest my zombies and vegetables, commit several acts of organized crime, play a few hands of Texas Hold'em, and rearrange my collection of precious and semi-precious gems in groups of three. Dang.

Nostalgia just isn't what it used to be!

It's so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don't say it.

"Wow! That's a low price!"

Bumblebee tuna.

I got a paper letter in a paper envelope to tell me about the paperless billing I'm already enrolled in.

My husband sent me a fax today. It was on Initech letterhead. Yes, Initech. And the message said he didn't have time to send me a fax.

I'm waiting for my computer to boot up & for the office coffee to finish brewing. At this rate, I may be productive by noon. Happy Monday!

Marshmallow Mateys, thou art my undoing.

The puppy likes the laser pointer. I see a nap in his immediate future. Go, Moose, go!

On a scale of pffft to wahoo, my interest level today is resting at a cozy meh.

Looking forward to a traditional Irish meal. I just placed my carryout order with O'Domino's.

Why are dishes we label 'hearty' usually bad for our hearts?

"Joey, do you like movies about gladiators?" R.I.P. Peter Graves, 1926-2010.

Let's get rid of Mondays and make Saturdays 48 hours long!

My husband just built the coolest thing- a wooden box for the old dogs to step onto since they're not good at jumping on the high bed. Yay!

My husband is convinced that I need Travelocity's cabin fever jingle as my ring tone. All well and good until a client hears it!

How AT&T U-verse Made Me A Better Husband

I'm lazy. There, I said it. Okay, maybe not completely lazy. Let's go
with "selective enthusiasm." One thing I am selectively un-
enthusiastic about is housecleaning. If you come over unexpectedly,
you might see a bit of clutter. My wife has a similar mindset (sorry
for throwing you under the bus, honey).

So, today is Friday. I'm off work on Fridays. I usually have a list of
projects lined up for Fridays. Housecleaning doesn't often make the
list. After lunch with Missy at her office, I came home intending to
work on one of my freelance web projects. However, our Internet
service was down. I called and they scheduled an appointment for a guy
to come out and look at it. When, I told Missy about it, her reaction
was, "Oh no! The house is a mess!!"

Guess what project just got moved to the top of my list? Yep. So thank
you, AT&T for providing just the right selective enthusiasm this
afternoon. My wife appreciates it very much.

I've spent the last two weeks trying to make time to get through the chapter on time management in the book I'm reading. Fail.

Wait, now. The blind dude on American Idol just said to Ryan: "It's good to see you, too."

I avoid writing web forms for the same reason I avoid cleaning the kitchen: it's messy and unenjoyable.

Real friends can say things to each other like, "Don't fix me in front of other people."

So, I have an irrational fear that the ceiling fan is going to come undone, fly down, and chop me into little pieces.

haha @ "No logos were harmed in the making of this project." Oscars

Monday Schmonday.

Moose just took his first swim & he loves the water!

First rule of Moose Club: Don't talk about Moose Club.

Love is enough. Well, that and power steering.

I remember when Mary Lou Retton graced a box of Wheaties. Gold medal? Meh. That orange box is the holy grail of rewards!

This is just between you and me. The fence post already knows too much.

Look at my update. Now look away. Now back to my update. I'm on a horse.

Moose weighed in at 34.4 lbs today at the vet. I think he's living up to his name already.

After a five hour board meeting for golden rescue, Chipotle never tasted so good.

Board Meeting for Sooner Golden Retriever Rescue in a bit. Then laundry. Then getting ready for an exciting week w/ new career.

I'm totally testing something new. Sorry for the lack of sarcasm or mad love. Ha. And now we hit send and see if it DID go to all my social media sites...