Does anyone else see the humor in completing a contract extension form with a viagra pen?

I realize my computer won't go faster if I incessantly click the mouse, but that knowledge doesn't really deter me much.

My vicious guard dog is rooing at the neighbors all while holding a pink stuffed animal in her mouth. Get 'em, killer. Get 'em.

If you were going to visit something or somewhere amazing in the USA, where would you go? Gimme some good honeymoon ideas...

"That goes on the list of things you don't want your husband and mother to discuss."

I think I have one of the most awesome big brothers around.

My husband has never had Krystals. Wonder if I better get a side of Tums with my sack o' cheese Krystals?!

I just caught my first glimpse of the Memphis Bridge. Hello, trashy, ghetto Memphis. I missed you!

Yep, this girl is looking forward to a quick weekend in Memphis.

If ice cubes were crack, my dogs would be severely underweight and have bad teeth and fur. They might also offer to wash your windshield.

I went to change my status message, but realized I had forgotten to harvest my zombies and vegetables, commit several acts of organized crime, play a few hands of Texas Hold'em, and rearrange my collection of precious and semi-precious gems in groups of three. Dang.

Nostalgia just isn't what it used to be!

It's so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don't say it.

"Wow! That's a low price!"

Bumblebee tuna.