Overheard out back by one of the boys in the pool: "I have two words for you-- Bring it on!"

The devil doesn't practice "catch and release."

These American Idol commercials are trying to compete with Super Bowl ads.

I'm not gawking, I'm storm chasing... very slowly.

The NWS (National Weather Service) has declared that today's storms constitute a PDS (Particularly Dangerous Situation). In other news, the NWS (National Webb Service) has declared me to be a PDS (Particularly Dangerous Steve).

So, whose bosom was it before Abraham died?

Gowalla or Foursquare and why? Gowalla is nicer but Foursquare has more users. Just curious.

The first person that thought about creating a snooze button HAD to think of it on a Monday.

I drove my assembled-in-Tennessee-but-made-in-Japan car with the designed-in-California-but-made-in-China iPod playing old school R&B to a Mexican restaurant staffed by young hippies. I love America.

Happy Star Wars Day! May the 4th be with you.

Nothing says "good morning" quite like the sound of a large dog vomiting on your bed.

My husband and I are going half an hour out of our way just so we can say we've been to Toad Suck Park, Arkansas.

Man Challenge: With gladness in your heart, oblige when your wife says, "Honey, would you get out of your chair and hand me this thing that is closer to me than it is to you?"

Dear gentleman who neglected to wash his hands after using the Wal-Mart restroom: please don't touch anything I'm about to touch. In fact, just don't touch anything. Thank you.

The eternal conundrum "what happens when an irresistible force meets an immovable object" was finally solved when Chuck Norris punched himself in the face.